Be Like Tike

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Now that Robert Horry has finally won his 7th NBA Championship Ring (more than Jordan), the question that became so prevalent throughout the NBA Finals can at last be answered. So, once and for all, why are the San Antonio Spurs so mind-numbingly boring?

1. The best player on the team, Tim Duncan, is also the most boring superstar that the NBA has ever seen. Honestly, Duncan is so stoic that it is hard to ever understand exactly what is occurring in his mind. Unlike LeBron James, the Spurs’ center is not flashy. He is, however, one of the most fundamentally sound players in the game. The only issue is that he, like the rest of the Spurs, rarely deviates from the plan. Duncan does essentially the same thing with the ball every time he gets his hand on it, and he is always successful. He does not, however, bring awe on himself. When a player like LeBron James has a huge night, it is obvious that he has had a huge night as the fans are “witnesses.” When Duncan has a good game, it’s just another good game. He does not perform fancy dunks, he does not hit the clutch shot, he does not throw powder into the air around him. He just wins.
2. The Spurs dominate from the beginning of the game and then do just enough to win by exchanging one well-planned basket after another. The Spurs are so well-coached that they know exactly what they are going to do with the ball on every trip down the court and have planned for every contingency. The only problem with this is that freelancing produces excitement. Kobe Bryant and Gilbert Arenas, for instance, are two of the brightest stars in the league simply because every time they get the ball they are a chance to score immediately or to make an absolutely insane move which will result in a basket. When the Spurs control the ball, basic fundamentals will be carried out and eventually a jumpshot will be lofted that will happen to fall through the net for two or three points.
3. The Spurs can not be loved. Many dynasties are loved (see Jordan-era Bulls), because the players are simply so good or so cool that the fans are in awe of them. Tony Parker is the guy that every red-blooded American male wants to be because of his well-publicized engagement to Eva Longoria (you knew I was going to mention her), not because he has the best jumper in the NBA. Fans are in awe of Parker for his off-the-court activities, not what he does when he steps onto the hardwood. Perhaps the larger issue, however, is how difficult Tim Duncan is to like. If there is a star on the Spurs that could make the team popular, it would be Duncan. The center, however, provides no glimpse into his personality and makes it extremely difficult to relate to him. As stated before, he does just enough to win but not enough to be exciting. On the other hand, though…
4. The Spurs can not be hated. They have no extremely hatable player from Bowen to Oberto. Bruce Bowen would be the most likely candidate, but he is so good at what he does that it is impossible to hate him. If Bowen just took cheap shots, it would be extremely easy to dislike him. His cheap shots, however, are almost never obvious and are extremely effective. When a player is so obviously one of, if not the, best in the game at what he does (which Bowen definitely is on defense), he does not deserve hatred. Also, the Spurs seem like they are basically a good group of guys who just happen to be a little bit too vanilla for America’s taste. They haven’t received potentially illegal Hummers, outside of Duncan they were mostly later picks in the draft, and they’re just very good at what they do. In a different setting, this team would be extremely likable.
5. The Spurs are not a big city team. Look at the teams that have been appreciated over the last 5 years, or as dynasties. The dynasties include the Lakers, the Celtics, and the Bulls, all large cities with the power to influence the news cycle so that it focuses on the special events that are playing out on their home courts. Even in college basketball, the most noticeable dynasty is UCLA, based in one of the media epicenters of America. Some of the very good teams that have not received the publicity or respect that they deserve include the Pacers, the Kings, and, in college basketball, the Pitt Panthers. These teams all have played very good basketball, sometimes better than that played by their big city rivals. They have not, however, received the publicity they deserve because the people in the big cities do not care. If the Spurs were interchanged with the Celtics, all you’d hear about would be about how defense was becoming the new offense and how Tim Duncan’s play was being shown to 10-year olds so that they would become better defenders with Tony Parker’s shot broken down so that these same 10-year olds could become monster shooters. As it is, 10-year olds are hitting their fathers in the heads with passes and then claiming that they were only doing what they saw Stephon Marbury do that one night . ..
6. No controversy. Seriously, when was the last time there was a maelstrom surrounding the Spurs? No controversy means no fun.

The Spurs are, undoubtedly, a dynasty at this point. The fact of the matter is, though, that they were not built to be a very exciting team and they are right for not trying to be an exciting team. They were built to play very good defense and hit jumpers in an effort to win, which they do most of the time. They will, more than likely, go down in history as a team that is respected but not truly appreciated, sort of like Robert Horry and his seven championship rings.

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