Thursday, July 26th, 2007 by Ben Hohlfelder
The End Of Sports As We Know It
Well, another day, and numerous new major developments in the world of sports. I woke up this morning to see the highlights of David Stern’s grilling and new updates in the Michael Vick case. By the time I got the energy to get off the couch and turn my computer on though, new news had been broken and the sports world was attempting to pull itself out of the gutter in much the same way George Bush is trying to get out of Iraq. In the last 7 days, nearly every major sport has been dominated by a major scandal.
NFL: Michael Vick, highlighted by today’s court hearing, has dominated the media for the last week. Roger Goodell has already suspended Vick for the preseason and many speculate that Vick will be cut or suspended for the upcoming year. While Vick receives the majority of the media’s attention, the NFL also ruled today that two of its other most beleaguered athletes are ineligible for the entire year. While Pacman Jones had a chance to earn the right to participate in training camp, a traffic incident involving an illegally registered $250,000 car quickly quashed those hopes. Also, Odell Thurman, who along with Chris Henry have nearly as many arrests as the entire rest of the league, was not reinstated into the league after being suspended for the entire 2006 season. 6 days, 3 players, 3 seasons lost.
MLB: While Bud Selig finally decided to grow some balls and show up for Barry Bonds’ 755th and 756th home runs, his sport continues to face major scandals in wake of Bonds’ record breaking efforts. Although he has never tested positive, nearly everyone knows that Bonds has used steroids.
The always flammable Curt Schilling sounded off on Costas Now and said that if he were Barry, he would have sued
someone by now if he really were innocent, asking “Isn’t an answer other than no, some form of yes?” Bonds responded to Schilling’s comments by picking on Costas, calling him a “midget who knows jacks#*@ about baseball.” While it is clear that Costas is small in Bonds’ mind, his assault on Costas instead of Schilling’s accusations only further prove Schill’s point.
6 days, 1 midget who knows jacks#*@, and 0 home runs closer to Hank Aaron.
NBA: Maybe the most disturbing allegations of all have come out of the NBA. Tim Donaghy’s alleged betting has rocked the league that already had a far worse reputation than its major counterparts. Although David Stern has done everything he can to try to make this seem minor, including today calling Donaghy’s bookies, “mob-wannabes,” he is under the most excruciating public glare. Best case scenario: Donaghy really acted alone and his removal from the league will clear this problem. Worst Case scenario: Players and other refs are involved in point shaving and as conspirators guessed at the time, Game 3 of the Western Conference Semifinals was fixed. It is somewhere in between obviously and to which side it leans will determine how severe this scandal is. In other news, two of the NBA’s bad boys were also suspended again. Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson, most notably known for the Palace Brawl, were suspended for various legal reasons. 6 days, 2 arrested superstars, 2 mob-wannabes, 1 ref resignation, 1 scarred commish, 1 effed up league.
le Tour de France: This one came as no surprise. Another cyclist doped to win, who knew. And the retarded French people actually thought signing a piece of paper saying they wouldn’t dope would stop cyclists. 6 days, 4 stages, 2 banned riders, 1 tv deal pulled, 0 integrity lost.
Golf: Many of you are probably saying golf, there was no controversy at the British Open. That’s because no one gives a damn when Tiger Woods is 8 shots back. In Europe, however, Gary Player, the aging golfing legend, made huge news when he claimed that 40% of the top golfers were using steroids. Golf has already began to respond and many speculate that the 2008 season will bring a new drug testing policy. 6 days, 1 crazed old guy, 1 crazed allegation, 1 new drug testing policy.
Hockey: In a scandal that affects only two cities in the United States, Raleigh and Pittsburgh, Jordan and Eric Staal were arrested along with 12 others at a bachelor’s party. I laughed when I heard because Jordan Staal is probably the biggest lightweight drinker in the world. Reports say that he was asleep when the police arrested him. My guess, he was passed out while his brother and others filmed him making an ass of himself. 6 days, 14 people, 2 cities, 1 trashed underage player.
I was going to write some moral diatribe about how athletes suck and how they should pay people to do the dirty work that gets them arrested, but I don’t feel like it. Until next time when I write about the crappy NBA rap albums.
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