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Today, sources announced that Pac-Man Jones is considering a career in professional wrestling with the Nashville-based TNA. This would presumably be used to pass the time until he is able to don the powder blue uniform of the Tennessee Titans again, but if he really enjoys the career the NFL may be spared some future headaches. Jones’ agent “could neither confirm nor deny the story,” but we’re going to go ahead and guess what his finishing move will be named.

1. The “Make It Rain,” which consists of one of Pacman’s entourage standing in the corner of the ring and throwing hundred dollar bills in the hope that the opponent is distracted enough so that Pac-Man can roll him up and emerge victorious.
2. The “Power Pellet,” a move where Pacman throttles the opponent until he turns blue in the face.
3. The “Pacman Shuffle,” in an homage to Ickey Woods’ famous touchdown dance where Jones essentially stomps his opponent while doing some stupid stuff with his hands.
4. The “Morgantown,” a move where Pacman throws a burning couch (it works better than a chair) at his opponent. Only allowed in no-holds-barred matches.
5. The “Murfreesboro,” a move named after the Tennessee town where Jones allegedly spat on a woman. The move would be Jones spitting in his opponent’s eyes and then using the advantage to secure victory.
6. The “Ankle Bite,” where Pacman takes a chunk out of opponent’s ankle and hopes that it is painful enough that he can win the match.
7. The “Jeff Fisher,” where Pacman simply announces that his opponent must leave the ring, then waits for an appeal or two, and eventually emerges victorious.

Good Luck to Pacman in his new career path. I hope Roger Goodell doesn’t find out about it . . .

Apparently he did.

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