Be Like Tike

Sunday, August 5th, 2007 by Adam Wagner

Pretending the Pirates Won

As I was walking across the Clemente Bridge tonight after the game, the Saxophone Man, that one and only paragon of musical greatness, screamed, “Let’s just pretend the Pirates won! Don’t blame your black cousin! Blame McClatchy! Blame McClendon!” I had a strong urge to tell him that Lloyd McClendon was my cousin.

The bridge half-applauded and kept walking. Tonight’s loss was one of those where anger sets in but then you realize that a very entertaining baseball game just occurred and some form of pained happiness sets in (meaning it was better than last night’s 13-4 harrumphing).

Of course, when there are fans saying things like, “All I come for is the food and to eat. And the girls. But there ain’t no hot girls here,” and having discussions about the catching situation where a boyfriend is making up minor leaguers to impress his girlfriend, the game becomes immediately more enjoyable. It’s also fun to watch half-drunk guys stumble up the grandstand stairs with the kiddie cups of beer that the Pirates now sell.

Also, the Pirates attempting to give aways tickets, as the player of B-U-C-C-O was not only given the clue, “Mt. Lebanon’s Sean Casey was the last Cincinnati Red to win a batting championship with a .332 batting average.” The first problem came with the question, as Sean Casey is from Upper Saint Clair, not Mt. Lebanon. Next, the ancient former Homestead Grays’ bat boy (he worked there for at least 19 years) missed the question, but the Pirates’ guy decided to give him an extra chip anyways. Then, he did not hit the grand prize, but the announcer dude gave him the Lexus Club (soon to be called the El Camino Club) tickets anyways. This can only mean that the team is simply so desperate to show ticket “sales” that it’s actually going to give tickets away from now on.

As for the actual game, defense was again a huge issue as Jason Bay’s badly misplaying a fly ball in the sixth inning led to two runs scoring, with Bay sliding when he simply should have played it on the hop. The seventh inning was not any prettier as Norris Hopper hit a ball through the infield and sprinted to second on a play where Jose Bautista had the speedy CF dead to rights at second base only to hurl a bad throw, giving him a double. Then, Hopper went to third only to have Ronny Paulino’s throw sail very high and very far to the right of the base, allowing even a Hopper sitting there waiting for the safe call to take his time in getting up and running to home plate for a run. Even on the play at the plate, it looked like the Pirates and Jason Bay had a legitimate chance at Hopper. That’s three fielding mistakes to one batter/base runner and that is simply unacceptable. (And that’s not even mentioning Freddy Sanchez’s idiotic play the half-inning before where he slid into/over Cesar Izturis on a ball that was clearly Izturis,’ taking away the chance for a double play or even an out and putting Sanchez in jeopardy of injury.)

Matt Morris did not pitch nearly as badly as his line indicates, as the Reds were given hits on the ball that Bay misjudged (and Morris was charged with a run on the play) and the play where Izzy and Sanchez collided. For the most part, Morris seemed effective, working quickly, throwing strikes, getting ground ball outs (nine to five fly outs), and even striking four batters out. Morris seems as if he will be a viable addition to the Pirate staff (but his contract won’t be to the payroll) and it seems as if the fans are willing to embrace the veteran right-hander.

It was nice to see some power from, well, everybody, as Matt Morris even got in on the act, jacking a ball roughly 400 feet in his first Pirate at bat, Ronny Paulino absolutely crush a ball, ~~Barry Bonds hit 755~~, Jason Bay get off the schnide a little bit with a two-run jack, Nate McLouth hit a clutch three-run shot, and even Jack Wilson hit a homer to keep the game interesting. The only issue with the power is that it’s not worth anything when the relievers are as awful as the Pirates’ were tonight.

Both Sean Chacon and Matt Capps entered the game with one-run leads. Both gave up home runs to let those leads slip away, Chacon’s to Edwin Encarnacion and Capps’ to ex-farmhand Jeff Keppinger. The goal of the bullpen is to simply not lose the game. The Pirates’ bullpen seems to be bound and determined to, in fact, lose the game and Jim Tracy seems willing to let them (see: leaving Matt Capps in for the tenth even though he had given up a run in the ninth).

This team (and Matt Morris) definitely deserved (at least offensively . . . the defense left something to be desired) to win tonight’s game, but they managed to somehow lose it in an enjoyable manner, which is more than can be said for the ways they have been losing recently. Hey, I’m trying to find a positive somewhere.

The Pirates need a new saying: First in surgery bills, first in number one draft picks, and last in baseball.

I’m only preparing, because, Tampa, we’re now only 2.5 games away from you guys and the Reds are steadily pulling away from us (they are 1.5 games in front of the Pirates now). We’re [going to be] number one!?!?