Be Like Tike

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The Pirates’ fantastic website is the home to some glorious self-propaganda. Chief among these are Dave Littlefied’s Q and A session and the glorifying notes section which appears daily. These two features attempt to put a positive spin on this absolutely dreadful baseball team. I only have time to give honest answers to Dave Littlefield’s Q and A after the jump, but the other idiotic post, which glorifies Jeff Manto, is here:

Dave Littlefield’s most recent Question and Answer column on the site left me wondering if he was asking the questions himself and making the answers as hi-ho cheerio as possible. Because of this, I wondered what the honest answers to these questions would be. Here they are, along with the questions.

Q: I like the Matt Morris trade. We got a veteran starter without the long-term contract risk. Why did you make the move now rather than in the offseason?
– Joe M., Cranberry Twp, Pa.

The move was made primarily to save my job this season. This team is so awful that I needed to at least make it look like they had hope, so I went out and got a guy that everybody would recognize. And have you looked at the money on this contract? Now I don’t have to go after anyone in free agency and can trade Jack Wilson without having people call in to the talk shows and (rightfully) whine about how small this team’s payroll is. The fact of the matter is that I am as bad at dealing with agents as I am with my fellow GMs.

What kind of impact do you think Morris will have on young guys like Ian Snell, Tom Gorzelanny and Paul Maholm?
– Buddy C., Bethel Park, Pa.

Hopefully good.  Of course, he wanted out of San Francisco because of the “losing environment” just as much as they wanted to dump him.  We can only hope he doesn’t realize how apathetic this team is for about two years.  Of course, he may help them out, considering his extensive playoff experience, but this team unfortunately needs to be competitive before that can be valuable.

Was there a lot of interest in our relievers [prior to the trade deadline], and why did you hold off on making any of those moves?
– Ron B., Tampa, Fla.

There was a ton of interest.  I can’t really explain why we didn’t trade Chacon or Torres (considering his grievance is legitimate and he very well could be declared a free agent at the end of the year), except to say that I feel my position as General Manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates and desperately want this team to have another second half two games over .500 so that I can somehow justify my God-awful performance.

Is there any chance of seeing Cesar Izturis at second and Freddy Sanchez back at third? I have heard Izturis has some experience at second base.
– Nate W., East Liverpool, Ohio

Why would we do this?  We want power or something that we can say would be power coming out of third base.  Also, Freddy was just named the third-best second baseman in the NL by Baseball America (I don’t know how . . .) and has improved steadily in the field over the duration of the season.  Of course, if you had written this two weeks ago, the move would have made too much sense to happen.

Why was John Van Benschoten sent to Triple-A instead of putting him in the bullpen to work with pitching coach Jim Colborn?
– Mike B., Doylestown, Ohio

Jim Colborn is an idiot.  I am beginning to realize this and am beginning to think that Van Benschoten’s improved performance at AAA is not a coincidence.  Also, if you want him to regain confidence, you don’t put him against major league hitters.

I have recently read that Yoslan Herrera has greatly improved his performance in Double-A. Do you think he will make an impact on the big-league club next season?
– Bryan C., Sandwich, Mass.

He’s been sort of better recently, but he’s still John Wasdin-lite.  He’ll be a long reliever at best unless his rust continues to wear off, which it probably won’t.  Every dog has his day and every pitcher has his months.  His ERA is still 4.47 for the season despite a 2.73 ERA over his last 10 starts.  Also, Herrera only struck out 26 batters over 56 innings over the duration of those 10 starts.  That is not at all a good number.

Well, the questions were decent (even if they do seem as if they are designed for Littlefield to give cheery, potentially positive answers), but I’m pretty sure my answers give a much more realistic, albeit uglier, picture of the situation that Littlefield’s.  Any move that he makes this season is designed solely to save his job.

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