Saturday, December 8th, 2007 by Matt Felser

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates

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The last Pirate’s song we posted was a bit better known, but not nearly as funny as the one released recently by local radio station WDVE. This ditty, sung to the tune of “Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s, was released towards the end of the season but I’ve only recently discovered it. Listen to the song and check the lyrics after the jump.


And now with an ode to our Pirates:
Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,
Why are you always so #$%&.
You’re a thousand games from first,
But PNC Park makes the city look so great.
But when you get up to the plate,
You defecate.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,
At least you’re not inconsistent.
You’re never in contention
Once the Steelers head to St. Vincent
In Latrobe.
The guys who make too much get sold,
Once it gets cold.

Oh, when will you compete?
Oh, when will you compete?
When will you compete?

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,
I know times are getting hard.
Fireworks and heads that bobble
Bring enough out to the yard
To profit from.
This team of has-beens, busts, and bums,
Has made us numb.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,
Why did you trade for Matt Morris?
Why not sign Weiters instead?
Do you just not like Scott Boras?
To your chagrin,
It costs money if you want to win,
This just in.

Oh, when will you compete?
Oh, when will you compete?
Fifteen years seems a long time,
Since last finished not behind.
But still we all believe
There come a day
When others won’t make fun of us,
The fans won’t feel the need to cuss
At the very mention of the Nutting’s name.
We suffered through the cocaine years.
To Leyland we all toasted beers.
The only ass we seem to kick these days
Is 2003 in a sausage race.

Hey Pittsburgh Pirates,
We’re all sick of hearing that
We’re caught up in a small market
And can’t afford arms or a bat.
Its just not true.
This team could spend what the Yankees do,
And they’d still find a way to lose.
We’ve got one Asian,
He’s 82.
I think he fought in World War II.
We’ve all grown too tired to boo,
Too tired to boo.

Oh, sell the goddamn team.
Oh, sell the goddamn team.
Oh, sell the goddamn team,
Cause we’re no longer family,
No longer family.

The Song

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